Here I go again. It’s 11:11pm and I’m writing this entry, feeling so down and lonely. Not that I lack affection from friends and family, but I miss having someone constantly around. Someone who texts me early morning to brighten up my day, who reminds me to eat well every meal time, who says “good night and sweet dreams, I’ll text/call you tomorrow”. I just miss having someone around, someone to look forward to every morning. A friend once told me, “don’t fall for the first person who shows you affection” maybe he’s right, I miss the feeling of having a person who cares, the first person who shows compassion. I should get used to this feeling, I will soon be numb, I will soon feel this is normal. I survived another movie date with myself, I should be proud. More movie dates with myself up and coming for sure. It’s not as bad as people think, it’s not as bad as what I thought it would be. I don’t wanna fall for the wrong person again just because I wanna have someone around. I wanna fall for someone head over heels, someone who’s worth it. Someone who’s worth sharing happy moments with, someone worth the pain. I’ve always thought that fairytales come true, as of now, my story is far from those dreamy fairytales, far from being perfect. I guess I’ll have to figure out what I’ve lost and use whatever I have learned from those mistakes. The right person will come at the right place at the right time without me even trying, without me even pushing. It will happen to you too. Just wait. Just stay strong. Just be happy on your own. I haven’t really figured that one out yet, but I will soon be. Delete some numbers off my phonebook, I need people who truly cares, not people who’s only around when you’re winning. I need true people around me to support me, to help me cope up, to help me grow. I’m falling to pieces, I need to pick them all up and start again, no matter how long the process will take, I won’t stop trying, to make use of what’s left of me, and to regain what was taken away from me. I don’t need vengeance, I need serenity, i need inner peace, I need to focus on the things that really matter.
This was a very stressful day, I’ve been busy since last week running errands, thinking about deliveries, meeting deadlines, processing my passport application, dealing with all sorts of people etc etc. Everything has been so fast paced, I have no time to adjust. But I’m not complaining. I just can’t believe that I’ve been setting reminders on my phone just to keep track of the things I have to accomplish for a day. Maybe I’ve become more mature, or I just focused myself too much on working my butt off just to forget of other things that might not be going my way. Either way, I’m slowly getting used to this. Start of classes will make things even harder for me. I’m just hoping I’ll be able to handle everything by then. Well anyway, things are better this way, I’ll work ‘til I’m tired. Sleep ‘til I can, no time for hate, no time for love. I guess I’m spending more time with things that are worth it, people who are worth it. I’ve learn to let go of what make me sad, and just focus on things that are going my way. People will either love me or hate me. No matter how I try I can’t please everybody so I’ll stop trying. I’ll begin to do what makes me happy without thinking what other people might say, as long as I know I’m not stepping on anyone’s foot, I’ll listen to what my heart says.
I will work my butt off. I will focus on what’s important, let go of people who doesn’t intend to stay.
Be with people who are there for you right from the start, those who never left, those who are with you every step of they way, those who shared laughter and sorrow, heartaches and pain.
Be with people who are worth your trust. :D
This is just one those night that I am not in the mood to do anything. I don’t wanna tweet, I don’t wanna read my facebook newsfeed, I don’t wanna text or call someone. I just wanna lie comfortably on my bed, but I think it’s just too early to sleep. I would be awake at 4-5am tomorrow if I’ll sleep this early tonight. *sigh*
Big deal eh? not really. I must be really tired this day, from all the schedules that I had to meet, plus, I’m preoccupied from all the schedules I have for tomorrow. Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend, they can relax and have fun, but I am very busy tomorrow and on Sunday , no time to rest. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. :) I’m happy that almost everything is going exactly like I planned. There are some things missing but I can get through. I’m better off this way I guess, preoccupied, busy, no time for anything but work.
Well anyway, I’m also not in the mood to blog today. CIAO. LOL haha.. :))